I’ve been with my husband for nearly 10 years and married for 5. We have two amazing children together; we work, we have preschool, soccer, karate, doctor appointments, errands, bills and run our home together. Because we’re being pulled in so many different directions, we often tend to feel like we are the rope, in a never ending game of tug of war; something’s gotta give. Unfortunately, often times, that seems to be the intimacy in our marriage. We get too wrapped up in the day to day; intimacy can sometimes feel like a chore.
For most women, we are responsive, not visual. For most men, they are visually stimulated by sexual opportunity. We, as women, need to feel that deep level connection with our partner to be fully satisfied during and after the act. When your marriage lacks intimacy, your wife lacks the opportunistic sensual side she once had when you two were dating, or were first married. I wanted this back, I yearned for it; but how does one simply ask for this to be a significant element in their marriage?
I gave this some serious thought, I got that I wanted to be courted again, I wanted to be desired as I was when my husband didn’t have me. The fun that came from a game of cat and mouse while dating, I wanted to be chased. There isn’t much room for “the chase” anymore; we’re married, we live together, he is mine and I am his; he knows he can have me, like I know I have him. There is nothing new and exciting in our relationship. Then it hit me, like a brick in the face, it’s this kind of thinking that has me in this predicament in the first place. Because we are married he knows he can have me whenever he pleases. Why not make him work for it? Why not resurrect the nearly forgotten game of cat and mouse that we previously enjoyed so much? I don’t allow my children to be put on the back burner, for obvious reasons; why should I allow it in my marriage? After all, my children demand attention to thrive and grow, so does my sex life.
Easier said than done, I know this to be true. Nevertheless, I’ve set my mind to this; I won’t allow sex and intimacy to get lost in the day to day anymore. So, I put on my husband’s favorite bedroom outfit, snapped a couple flattering pictures and sent them to him while he was at work. A few moments later, I received his response and it was exactly what I was hoping for. In that moment, I wasn’t “mom” or “wife”, I was “sexy”. That led to a very sexually detailed conversation via text. The best part, I could play hard to get, he wasn’t here, and I could respond when I deemed necessary; I could keep him waiting, wanting more. The back and forth sexual banter was exactly what I had been searching for, the elapsed element that I brought back, with a photo and a text. I felt alive, empowered, and most importantly I was horny. I couldn’t wait for my husband to get home to follow through with all of the naughty things he promised me. I fantasized about them, I needed them, and I was not disappointed.
I’m always looking for new ways to bring back ‘that’ feeling, the butterflies, the yearning you get deep down inside for the person you love. It’s those feelings that make me excited for sex. One thing I’ve found to be undeniably true is that you must pursue each other. It feels good to be courted, but when you’re in a new relationship, you aren’t the only one being courted; you are also the courter, so to speak. To an extent, the woman has to chase, to stoke the man’s ego; this keeps him interested. Pursuing each other is something that doesn’t, and shouldn’t, be limited to the bedroom. In fact, it can be done at the breakfast table or during work. It doesn’t have to be a sexual act to interest your partner, though it’s important to keep an open mind to stimulate them. It can be a text, a photo, and/or sexual banter. It’s important to remember women have to be in the right mindset to truly enjoy sex.