We are only as good as our habits. We may be able to do something great occasionally, but it’s ultimately the day-to-day habits that indicate where we are in life. If you feel your love is lacking, it’s time to change.
- Continue courting. After getting married, it can be easy to think that you’ve already won each other and don’t need to put in as much effort as before marriage. When this attitude develops, your admiration for each other can start to wane. Treat your marriage as a reason to be your best every day. Use the same tactics you did when courting to “win” your spouse. Look your best. Speak lovingly. Have fun being together. Make this a priority, and your love will feel more valuable.
- Never put down or make fun of your spouse, whether you are with or without them. In television, spouses insult each other for cheap laughs, and we may be tempted to incorporate this bad practice into our own lives. In reality, putting down your spouse puts you on the road to divorce. There is absolutely nothing healthy about making your spouse feel bad. Don’t look to friends as an audience to laugh at your snide remarks. Don’t model your relationship on a pretend marriage. Resolve issues with your spouse in a problem-solving and loving way.
- Give. People who have been married for a long time tend to dwell on what they’re getting (or not getting) out of a relationship. Change the emphasis to what you’re giving. Every day, look for opportunities to give. Though make sure not to keep score, or you’re not giving for the right reason. Open your eyes and see all that your spouse does for you. Thank them.
- Accentuate the positive. What every day situations come up that make you less than positive? How can you change your attitude? How can you speak more positively with your spouse? It’s good to have someone to vent your frustrations to, but keep these conversations to a minimal.
- Show affection. Showing affection should be a daily pleasure for both spouses. What kind of affection does your spouse appreciate the most? Kisses? Hugs? Touch? Words? Time? If you don’t know, ask. Make time every day to stop and say “I love you”. Don’t let one day go by without showing affection.
- Plan weekly dates. There is no excuse for failing to set aside a couple hours per week for a date. Decide on a time and activity together and mark the calendar. Dates do not have to be expensive to be meaningful and fun. You don’t even have to get out of the house. The point is to make sure there is a specific time set aside for each other that cannot be overtaken by work, school, or anything else. For some fun date ideas, check out these 10 Free Dating Activities.
- Be excited for sex. Sex should be a priority for both of you, not just something to check off the to do list. If one or both of you are not looking forward to sex, then you need to figure out why. Does it seem one-sided? Are you too exhausted by the time it comes at night? Has sex become routine? If so, you need to try Lovers Lane. This free online board game for lovers is fun, appealing for both genders, and has everything planned out for you.