Has your marriage relationship been suffering from a lack of passion? Do you still consider yourselves boyfriend and girlfriend? Do you laugh and talk and play as you used to? Do you look forward to lovemaking? If the answers to any of these questions is no, don’t worry, it’s completely natural. It may be that you and your spouse have a healthy relationship, but your brains have simply become accustomed to relationship patterns. To brake these patterns, you need to find ways to make your relationship novel again. Here are 10 tips for rekindling those dying embers and rediscovering the reasons you fell in love to begin with.
- Make time for each other. There’s a reason this tip is set as number one. When you were dating, would you have settled for a thoughtless hour of TV together before you call it a night? Or did you look forward to every moment in each other’s presence? There’s no better way to show what your true priorities are than through the giving of your time.
- Go on dates. Time is one thing. Quality time is entirely different. If you want to rediscover the magic you felt when dating, then this suggestion is not an option. Get out of the house. See a play. Attend a dance. Eat out. Whatever, treat your spouse as the love of your life deserves to be treated.
- Mark the calendar. Whether for a weekly Friday night date or for sex every three days, having a plan has major benefits. It gives both spouses something to look forward to, something to prepare for, and something to remind each other about. I know scheduling sex might sound a little unromantic, but believe me, doing so has made all the difference in my marriage, from sex that was inconsistent and sometimes frustrating to a regular and satisfying part of our lives.
- Talk. Really talk. It’s not at all uncommon for a husband to think the relationship is fine and dandy while the wife has pages of frustrated feelings stored within her. If there’s something between you that might be negatively affecting your relationship, or even if it’s baggage unrelated to your relationship, baggage is baggage, and before you’re both going to have fun, it needs to go. Showing your spouse that they can confide in you and that you care about their feelings can make a world of difference.
- Serve each other. Do the dishes. Clean the room. Surprise each other with notes on the mirror and chocolates on the pillow. The more you give, the more you’ll receive. The more this cycle continues, the more in love you’ll be.
- Talk about your spouse to others. Let your friends and family know how much you love your spouse. Expressing this to others will not only help exercise your love and realize how you actually feel, but on your spouse’s end, there’s nothing better than hearing a compliment through the grape vine. It’s one thing for you to say, “I love you.” It’s far more powerful for a friend to say, “Wow, your husband sure does love you.”
- Laugh. Though it sounds trite, there really is no better medicine. If it takes the company of friends, games, funny movies, or simply acting ridiculous, do it. Your relationship can’t afford to spend a single day without laughing together.
- Play pretend. Seriously. You’ll watch others do it on a screen, won’t you? So why not try it yourselves. Invent a role play and throw your inhibitions out the door. This is about the closest you can get to refilling your relationship with romantic tension (in a healthy way).
- Flirt with each other. Rediscover the art of seductively gazing into each others eyes, of dropping innuendos, of naughty touches, and of filling each other with anticipation for the bedroom. The more you make your spouse feel wanted, the more they’ll want you. It’s that simple.
- Break the mold. Whether this means having sex on the table, throwing a dance in your living room, sleeping under the stars, reversing your roles in lovemaking, playing a good, old-fashioned game of hide-and-go seek, or volunteering together at the soup kitchen, the only way you’re going to rekindle that flame is if you can convince your brain that what you’re doing is novel.
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