The wedding day … that magical moment girls dream about. Boys, of course, may be a little more interested in the wedding night. But in either case, the dream of getting married is almost universal. The dream of staying married is just as universal. But the reality is far from it. A quick Internet search could pull up the latest statistics on divorce, the sobering truth that the majority of happy, new marriages will eventually end in tragedy. It’s also well-known that the biggest two causes of divorce are frustrations over money and frustrations over sex. While it’s beyond the scope of this website to tackle money matters, we at MarriedGames.org want to add our two cents on why divorce is usually a poor solution for an unfulfilling sex life, among other reasons. Of course, we know that are legitimate reasons for divorce, though we also believe that most marriages can and should be saved. It’s seldom a matter of whether or not a marriage can work and usually a matter of whether or not the husband and wife are willing to make it work.
- Believe it or not, it’s takes two people to have sex. Whatever the cause of the stalemate in your bedroom is, it’s highly possible that you’re part of the problem, and a change in spouses won’t change yourself. Take a look in the mirror. Right now. Are you well-groomed? Are you keeping up your best appearances for your spouse? Or have you let yourself go? Chances are, you could step things up a bit. So before you worry about whether or not you have your dream spouse (which of course, doesn’t exist), make sure you’re trying your best to be your partner’s dream spouse.
- Statistically, you probably won’t be happier … for a long time. According to this article from huffingtonpost.com: “How long does it take to recover emotionally from divorce?”, “satisfaction of divorced adults does not recover to pre-divorce levels even six years after the divorce.” Men are especially likely to suffer from post-divorce depression.
- Your problems may be more fixable than you think. Have you considered a marriage and family therapist? According to this article: “Does Marriage Counseling Work? 8 Surprising Statistics & Facts,” “Over 98 percent of those surveyed reported that they received good or excellent couples therapy, and over 97 percent of those surveyed said they got the help they needed. After working with a marriage or family therapist, 93 percent of patients said they had more effective tools for dealing with their problems.”
- If you think you have big problems, it may actually be the result of many little problems. Do you go on regular dates? Do you spend meaningful time with each other each day or night? Do you hold hands? Do you kiss? Do you talk? Really talk? Do you make sex a priority? Do you perform acts of service for each other and share an equal workload? Do you surprise each other? Do you try to show as much affection for each other as you did when you were still dating? If you answered many no’s, your problem is probably in the roots, not the branches, and plucking or trimming is not the solution. It could be that all you need is some water, some TLC, and time.
- Think of all the ways you’ve grown together since you were married. Think of all the shared experiences and intimate moments. Think of the times when you knew you were in love and life was good. Think about what first attracted you to your spouse. Think about your shared dreams and ambitions. Do you really want to lose all that and start over? Do you really want your spouse to have to lose all that and start over?
- Obviously, if you have them, think about the children. According to this article: “32-shocking-divorce-statistics,” “Forty-three percent of children growing up in America today are being raised without their fathers. Seventy-five percent of children with divorced parents live with their mother. Twenty-eight percent of children living with a divorced parent live in a household with an income below the poverty line.” And according to this article: “Children divorce statistics,” “Studies in 1980 – 1981 uncovered that children in repeat divorces got lower results at school. The other children of their age rated them as less pleasant to be around. Teenage children of divorce are three times more likely (35% instead of 13%) to need psychological help within a given year. Children from divorced homes have more psychological problems than children from which one of the parents has died.”
- What if you were to make a list of everything you loved about your spouse? What would you come up with? By the time divorce is being considered, I know this advice may sound unwelcome, but if you would swallow your pride and do it anyway, you may find that, deep down, not only do you still have feelings for your spouse, but when you’re honest with yourself, the reasons you love your spouse may outweigh the problems you’re facing.