Finding the Balance Between Too Much and Not Enough Sex

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Not enough sex promotes premature ejaculation. Too much sex promotes fatigue.According to Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD, a sexual health expert, “Sexually active people take fewer sick days” (“10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex”). According to WebMD, other benefits include a boosted libido, better bladder control for women, lowered blood pressure, and lower risk of heart attack. Sex can even be considered a form of exercise, with comparable (though smaller) benefits to traditional exercise.

So with so many benefits of sex, not to mention the emotional and relationship benefits, can there be too much of a good thing? Simply put, yes, because if you push yourselves beyond what’s natural, not only will you lack the stamina to keep up the habit, but you’ll experience fatigue, soreness, and complication such as urinary tract infections (see “FOXSexpert: The Hazards of Too Much Sex“). While these so-called hazards are possible, I seriously doubt that the vast majority of couples have anything to worry about … ever.

That being said, during the early days of our marriage, we had so much sex that my wife did suffer from urinary tract infections, which she didn’t tell me about until years afterwards, mainly because she was enjoying our frequent sex and didn’t want it to stop. Though, at least in our case, her UTI’s weren’t so much from having too much sex as from jumping the gun from foreplay to intercourse too quickly.

There’s clearly a balance between no sex at all with its accompanying frustrations and so much sex that you’re endangering your health (if this is really even possible, considering the natural limitations of your sexual stamina). Though “no sex at all” is a bit extreme. The more frequent problem is occasional sex, perhaps even regular sex, accompanied with premature ejaculation. Sex may be more exciting when more time has gone by, but the major downside is when it becomes so exciting that men lose their ability to plateau, leaving women unsatisfied. While having more frequent sex isn’t the cure-all for premature ejaculation, it can only help.

I find it interesting that, due to the problems and disadvantages of infrequency, the creator clearly intended for us to have frequent sex. Unlike virtually any other animal, humans were designed to mate not only during a mating season but all year round. That’s awesome!

So is there an ideal frequency for sex? Personally, I don’t find much value in the question, because there’s so many factors, specific to each couple, such as age, lifestyles, the amount of time they’ve been married, overall health, etc. But from my reading, I’ve found a general consensus that about two to three times per week is within the goldilocks zone for most (but certainly not all) couples.

While it’s good to keep sex a high priority and to set a goal for a desired frequency, when it comes to overdoing sex, I think a good rule of thumb is treat sex just like you should your diet: listen to your body. Learn to distinguish healthy desires from obsession. Don’t force something when, honestly, you don’t even really want it. Keep it going … but keep it special.

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