As fantastic as good sex can be, it’s unfortunate when the ONLY intimate moments a couple shares together are during sex, especially as couples mature and sex becomes less frequent. When you were still dating, the actions of hand-holding, kissing, and just being close to each other were no-doubt far more meaningful and exciting. Of course, just like when you’ve been in a hot tub for too long, it’s only natural for the initial sensation to wear off. But the good news is that after you’ve stepped out of the hot tub for awhile, getting back in can feel just as magical as before. So if you haven’t done any of these things in a while, here’s a list of the 101 basics of lovemaking that may be all it takes to bring back the fire:
- Hold hands. It’s a simple as that. Do it in the car, do it in public. Let the world know that your spouse belongs to you and that you’re still in love with them. Play with each other’s fingers as if you simply can’t get enough of each other. These little actions will inevitably opens doors to renewed romance.
- Kiss. Really kiss. Whenever you’ve been away from your spouse, before you do anything else, show them that they’re your top priority and that you’re excited to be near them again. Make it long, hard, and maybe even a little wet.
- Make out. While you’re exercising your orbicularis muscles, why not get a little more comfortable on the couch? Not the bed, mind you. The object isn’t sex but to peel things back to the basic pleasures that first brought you together. See if you can discover or rediscover the exciting passion of french kissing … and nothing more. For a little more romance, take things into a closet.
- Naked time. The object here is to enjoy the sensation, beauty, and connection of your bodies without necessarily taking things all the way. Just enjoy feeling each each other’s warmth, perhaps while watching a movie or just talking. Especially when one spouse isn’t as excited about sex as the other, this small action of skin-to-skin contact can help warm up emotions and desires. For more recreational fun, you might find it thrilling to run through the house naked, perhaps during a game of hide-and-seek. Just make sure to close the blinds :-).
- Call or digitally chat with each other. Do you remember how much you used to look forward to a phone a call or seeing that your significant other was online? Stop taking each other for granted and relish each other’s voices and minds. The power of the imagination, coupled with a bit of denial, can work wonders. If you want to spice things up, try having phone or cyber sex, exercising your fantasies instead of just jumping to gratification.
- Dance. Chances are, one of you or both of you have “two left feet.” The good news is that your spouse is going to love you regardless. So put aside your inhibitions and start shaking to something fast and swaying to something slow. The physical and emotional connection you’ll experience will lay a foundation for a better sexual connection later on.
- Model for each other. Celebrate the beauty of your spouse by limiting intimacy to sight. Additionally, you can take pictures, video, or perhaps draw a sketch. It’s a perfect opportunity for either of you to get gussied up and to look and feel like a million bucks. Who doesn’t enjoy both admiring and being admired?
- Play together. Whether it’s board games, video games, improvisational games, playing pretend, or just laughing and frolicking as only the two of you know how, put aside your never-ending work and love each other enough to play with each other as you used to. This may involve a trip to the park, a hike up a canyon, or a bunch of figurines on your living room floor. Whatever it is, a little friendly competition mixed with flirtation is a perfect formula for erotic fun.
- Show or Bathe Together. While sex in the tub or shower is certainly possible, sometimes it’s more of chore than it’s worth. Just enjoy the sensuality of the steam and that wet skin-to-skin contact. Of course, sometimes we need to relax by ourselves, but for the all the other times … think of what you’re missing out on!
- Flirt. All the time. Never take each other for granted by letting your once fiery relationship sink to being business-oriented. You’re allowed to make innuendos, so why miss out on the fun? You’re allowed to touch each other, so why not live it up the sensations? You’re allowed to be as overtly suggestive, “naughty,” and playful as you want, so why choose a sterile relationship when nothing’s stopping you from acting like newlyweds? If you’ve forgotten how to flirt, start by complimenting each other. You really can’t say “I love you” too many times.
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