Maybe one or both of you are out of work. Maybe you have to foreclose on your dream home. Maybe health is coming between you. When life gets hairy, it can be challenging to keep your sex life strong. Through the struggles of life, love is a great way to cultivate a positive spirit and can work as a source of healing. Here are some ways you can keep the love strong when times are tough.
- Schedule love. When you’re under stress, it can be easy to let sex slip. With your spouse, decide a time twice a week that you’d like to put aside for lovemaking. It can be as long or short as you need and want. Have your phone or e-mail calendar give you reminders so you can be prepared. If you generally feel too worn down at night, try a morning or afternoon session. If a scheduled session comes and one person doesn’t feel up to it, be understanding and never place pressure to keep the schedule. Look forward to the next scheduled time and each do your part to be ready.
- Don’t hold in the negative. It’s hard to get in a love frame of mind with negative thoughts. Rather than suppressing them or pretending their not there, find healthy ways to express them. Talk together about them. Write down them. Call a friend. If necessary, schedule an appointment with a therapist. It’s important to face your feelings so they don’t fester and explode later on. Chances are you won’t be able to feel completely at peace in one day, but taking time to face them is important before making love.
- Relive the good times. Schedule time every day, even if it’s just 5 minutes, to take turns sharing favorite memories. You can start in the past when things were going better. Be sure to progress to sharing good things that have happened in the near past or the same day. This activity should happen after letting out negative feelings. Don’t mix the two.
- Think of other ways to rekindle the flames. If your life circumstance doesn’t allow for you and your spouse to have physical sex, think of other healthy ways that you can show sexual love for each other. Take turns writing a sentence for a love story about both of you that ends in your characters having the passionate love you want to have. Write each other love notes reminiscing on previous love making experiences that you enjoyed. Determine how much physical affection you can give each other and make sure you do it throughout the day. Even if you’re not feeling up to giving a kiss, look at it as a gift you want to give your spouse.
- Laugh. If you’re scheduled for love but just aren’t feeling emotionally ready, engage in some laughing time. The mission is to make the other person laugh as hard as they can. Laughing is a natural way to release tension and endorphins.
- Make love easier and more fun. MarriedGames has many games and resources to make your love sessions easier and more fun. Check out Lovers Lane, the Foreplay Generator, and the Role-playing Generator.
- When all else fails, seek a professional. You don’t have to wait to call a marriage counselor until your on the verge of divorce. Getting help before your relationship gets worse is one of the best gifts you can give each other.
Love and Trials: How to Keep Love Strong Despite Trials,