One of the most common misnomers about sex is that it’s all about the big O. While it’s perfectly natural and fulfilling to end sex with a climax, you’re missing out on some potential fun if you insist on pushing for orgasm every time.
For one, women often face an increased challenge (relative to men) in achieving regular orgasms, and failure to do so can make both partners feel disappointed. Of course, this doesn’t need to be the case. Your focus should be on expressing love for each other, not on achieving your own maximum pleasure. The irony is that the former approach more often results in natural orgasms and fulfillment whereas the latter approach is often a setup for disappointment. Psychological obsessions can actually inhibit your physiology. In turn, your spouse may recognize (whether consciously or subconsciously) your one-sided approach to lovemaking and feel less inclined to open up, thus affecting you both.
For two, in order to get the most out of sex (for both you and your spouse), even when achieving orgasm is within reach, you may actually want to consider letting it pass. Men are familiar with the sudden and dramatic loss of stimulation that follows orgasm. In the “afterglow” of sweet feelings and relaxation that follow, this natural process can be wonderful. But it’s not the only option. Though willfully turning down orgasm can be a hard thing to do, retaining stimulation and gradually cooling down like women do can also be rewarding. It can leave men with a heightened and ongoing sense of sexuality and draw towards their wives.
From my own experience, I’d been noticing that sex was beginning to feel routine and much less exciting than it used to. I decided to experiment with avoiding orgasm. Following intercourse, my wife was surprised that I didn’t want to finish. I explained that I was doing an experiment and that she’d better be careful tomorrow, because I might attack her. Of course, making this first step was difficult, but in the moments that followed, I continued to feel a strong connection to my wife and an urge to be close to her and rub myself against her as we lay in bed. I was already enjoying the rewards of a little discipline.
The next day, sure enough, my thoughts started turning to my wife throughout the day, both romantically and sexually. With a sense of unfinished business, I was feeling more excited for sex than I had in a long time, even though we’d just had it the night before. That night, my wife was surprised that I was already ready for sex again. And it was even better than the night before as every sensation seemed to stand out a little more. Though it was physiologically harder to keep myself from climaxing (though not psychologically, as I was enjoying this game), I pulled it off again. As we afterward lay in bed, again I wanted to hold and feel my wife into the wee hours. The feelings were awesome.
I’ll tell you how this spicy adventure ends in the next article.