During the early days of our marriage, we had sex every night. I remember a time when we had missed a night, and the next day, we were all over each other, driven mad with hormones. Of course, after a few months, we slowed down quite a bit, and after a few years, some times we would only have sex once a week or less.
The inconsistency started to drive me crazy. Call me a guy, but I needed something to look forward to, and never knowing if or when was a trial of patience. I especially hated begging my wife for sex. Because I didn’t want to appear desperate or demanding, I would pretend not to care about sex, and night after night of missed opportunities would take its toll on our marriage. It seemed that some nights we were nothing more than a legal partnership, rising, working, and retiring together but with no passion between us.
Then, a year or two ago, our sex life got much, much better. How? We simply improved our communication. I sat down with my wife and told her my honest feelings. What surprised me was how positively she felt about sex as well. Of course, she wasn’t as wired to think about it as I was, and when I didn’t take charge, doing so often wouldn’t even occur to her. We agreed to make sex a higher priority by scheduling it. Every day was too much for both of us. Even every other day was too hard to keep up with. But we found that every three days was the magic magic number. Because our sex is scheduled and we rotate who’s in charge, we never have to wonder if or when, and there’s always something spicy to look forward to (as well as just enough time to build suspense between sessions).
On nights when my wife isn’t feeling up to sex, she always offers to rub me until I climax, which is pretty hard to say no to. Of course, I offer similar services for the nights I’m not up for sex but she is … but this has yet to happen 🙂